In preparation for getting my foot back in the theater and both feet on stage again, I’ve been working on songs, monologs, video submissions and I’ve attend a few (very few) auditions. And in doing so, I’ve had to deal with so much mental and verbal abuse. Here is a small edited list of some of the things I’ve heard:
- You’re too old
- You really need to be a triple threat to make it these days
- Why not go back into directing
- You’ve really lost what you had and you’re not as good as you were
- Do you really want to embarrass yourself like this
- Your smile is weak and you should have your teeth straightened
- You need to lose about 20 lbs and consider working out. After all, look who you’re up against. (looking on either side of me- they are both 20? Really good looking. Triple threats…etc.)
- I don’t think you really want it bad enough
Like I said, this is just a small sample of the things I’ve heard over the past several months but nonetheless are making a huge impact on my day to day existence. Are all of these things true? Of course they have to be, why else would I allow them to affect me so much. Why would I continue to tell myself these things over and over and over again? Yep, you guessed it. All of these things are all coming from me. Not one person in my life has ever said anything like this to me. However, I continue to sabotage my every thought with these words.
These words alone keep me in bed all day. They keep my face planted in a fast food bag. They keep me on line checking the status of friends that are out living their lives instead of looking for more acting gigs. They affect my relationship with my partner and with close friends. Who wants to give updates like, “Nope, still not doing anything.”
Look at the POWER OF WORDS in action. They have crippled me. They reverberate in my head 24 hours a day. They appear in my dreams at night. I can’t do anything without them. They are always there. How can I take that power back?
Have you ever noticed how we love helping others out? I have a very close friend that suffered a stroke in April of 2009. A fellow actor, musician, Librarian, husband, friend to all… He has made such amazing progress over the past year, but is still not back to where he once was. He has very little movement in his left hand which is a huge hindrance in playing the piano. This is just one of his many passions. It breaks my heart to hear him beat himself up over not having progressed further at this point. To see his face when we sit down at the piano together both wearing a “double glove” that I came up with and sewed together so that as I play the piano his hand moves with mine. I do everything I can to help lift his spirit up and encourage him to keep pushing to make himself better only to get into the car and begin beating myself up all over again. WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT? In reality, doesn’t this make me a fraudster? It’s like finding out that the celebrity that is praising a certain skin care product on TV doesn’t really use the product at all, but instead relies only on air brushing and great editing software.
I know that I am not alone in this. Believe me when I say that I talk to many people every day. I get endless emails and texts from friends that are in need of a little self confidence boost. I know my place there. So, I do it. I say a few positive words and like a big “SHAM WOW” it wipes up their troubles and they move forward. We all do it. I read the responses that people leave other friends. We are so good at showing people the positive light at the end of the tunnel. The right path to take. Not to mention, we are also the first to point out those that need some help. We are so quick to stir up the poop in someone else’s yard because it helps to mask the smell of our own poop in our own yard. Why do we do this?
In a world where self medication is prevalent and most preferred, why do we not self counsel? Why not have a little heart to heart with ourselves? It seems simple enough, right? I mean I pray from time to time, why not just talk to myself in between? I have the answers. We all have the answers. Many of you right now have already started writing your responses to this post in your heads before you’ve even finished reading it. It’s natural. It’s human. As a matter of fact, as I write this, I have even written many responses that I would want to post about this post. I will spare you those.
The POWER OF WORDS. That’s the supernatural power we all have. I need to nourish that power and learn to harness it and use it in a positive way. I’ll never be able to leap up in the air and take flight. I’ll never be able to lift a school bus. However, the power that words give us allows us to move mountains ever day in the lives of everyone we encounter. Why not use that same power to change our own lives, forever.
I need to learn how to do this. I need to get my “BUT” out of the way and allow my “CAN” to get moving. I am the only one that can make this happen. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some work to do and a Super Hero cape to iron.